Breathing
by MoragBlaithin
Summary: It's a songfic about my favorite HPpair Tonks&Remus canon!...caaanon! It's based on the lyrics from the song Breathing by Lifehouse....please read and review!


Hello people! Welcome to my first (published) HP fanfic! I give all the credit to Lifehous for the lyrics and JK.Rowling for the characters (and also for giving me a life...) and I would like to thank Bill Gates as well...:DAnyway, I'm sorryfor the lay-out, I've been trying to get it right for nearly 2 hours, but it still doesn't want to do what I want it to do! Please tell me what you think and have fun!

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**Breathing**

_**I'm finding my way back to sanity again**_

_**Though I don't really know what**_

_**I'm going to do when I get there**_

_**Take a breath and hold on tight**_

_**Spin around one more time**_

_**And gracefully fall back to the arms of grace.**_

She didn't know how much he needed her, wanted her, craved her. He felt this way a long time, but knew he would never say it, or act on it. He was a simple man, he always was pretty content with his life, of course there were things he'd rather not have...but he created a life for himself where he only had to answer to himself, where the only one who had to suffer was him. But something changed drastically, ever since the first time she had tripped over her own feet and he catched her moments before she would crash to the floor. Now, every waking moment was filled with thought about _her_. At night, he would dream of her, there was no escaping it. He loved everything about her, her clumsiness, her creativity regarding her appearance, her sense of humour and her joy de vivre.

It scared him; it scared him more than anything else.

_**'Cause I am hanging on every word you say**_

_**And even if you don't want to speak tonight**_

_**That's alright, alright with me**_

_**'Cause I want nothing more than to sit**_

_**Outside Heaven's door and listen to you breathing**_

_**Is where I want to be**_

He kept repeating to himself that he wasn't worthy of her, of her love, of her attention. He knew she deserved someone who had money, who was young, fun, and…_whole. _But that didn't stop him thinking of her, dreaming of her. At first he avoided her, tried to stay out of her way, but she always seemed to find him. She seemed to enjoy his company; she seemed interested in what he had to say, so he gave up trying to shun her. Basically, her company was the only thing that kept him sane during these troubled times.

**_I'm looking past the shadows_**

**_Of my mind into the truth and_**

**_I'm trying to identify_**

**_The voices in my head_**

**_God which one's you?_**

**_Let me feel one more time_**

**_What it feels like to feel_**

**_And break these calluses off me_**

**_One more time_**

He always thought that he would be able to keep it up, to keep the truth to himself. He watched her joke and play with Harry and the others, he watched her play around with her appearance. She would turn to him every time she changed something about herself and she would ask what he thought of it. Every time he had to swallow hard three times to hold back the things he really wanted to say before he could smile and nod his approval. But all the while he wanted to say to her that, no matter what she looked like, she would always be perfect. Her voice became the voice in his head, became the voice of his conscience and the voice of all that was good in this world.

**_'Cause I am hanging on every word you say_**

**_And even if you don't want to speak tonight_**

**_That's alright, alright with me_**

**_'Cause I want nothing more than to sit_**

**_Outside Heaven's door and listened to you breathing_**

**_Is where I want to be_**

But that after that frightful night, when he lost his best friend, his brother, one of the last links to his past, Sirius…..and when he almost lost her. He didn't leave her side at the hospital and, when she regained consciousness he held her as she cried. He cried with her, holding her…never letting her go. He realised it all: the loss of his best friend, the fact he was the last of the true Maurauder's….he was the last one…….he….of all people…he was the one to survive.., the realisation that he could have lost her, without telling her how he felt about her. They cried until she fell asleep in his arm, still crying while she slept. He looked down at her and watched her sleep….listened to her breathing.

_**I don't want a thing from you**_

_**Bet you are tired of me waiting**_

_**For the scraps to fall**_

_**Off of your table to the ground**_

_**'Cause I just want to be here now**_

Their relationship changed. She would be around him as much as she could. They talked about everything, or they would just sit…lost in their own thoughts. He loved the sound of her voice; he listened intently to all the things she said. At night, he would play back their conversations while he lay in his bed. He watched her go on dangerous missions, unable to keep her out of harms way. He knew she was good at what she did, but that didn't stop him from worrying. He went on his own missions, not worried about his safety….always hers. Then she told him about her feelings towards him, but he knew it couldn't be. He knew he wasn't worthy of her, he never would be. The truth was that he was too old, too poor, too dangerous, too wrong for her. He would never forget the look on her face after he told her that they couldn't be together. It broke his heart, but he knew she would get over it. He knew she would eventually find someone who would be all the things he wasn't. And he would be alone, just like he should be. She tried to reason with him, saying a million times that she didn't care about money, age or him being a werewolf. She loved him, no matter what. He didn't give in, no matter how much he wanted to believe it could be.

After a while, she began to avoid him.

His life turned as dark, lonely and empty as he knew it would. He missed her, and thinking of her felt like a cold stab to the heart. But then came the night he almost lost her all over again. He lost another of the few remaining links to his past, the man he always known to be the greatest man and greatest wizard ever alive. He looked at the maimed body of Bill Weasley, hoping with all his might that Bill would never have to endure the horrible pain that came with Lycanthropy, but only time could tell. He tried to reassure the others, trying to help them through this time of grief and sorrow. He tried to avoid looking at her, he didn't have a choice. But after Fleur declared her love to Bill no matter what, Tonks did the same to him, once more.

_**'Cause I am hanging on every word you say**_

_**And even if you don't want to speak tonight**_

_**That's alright, alright with me**_

_**'Cause I want nothing more than to sit**_

_**Outside Heaven's door and listen to your breathing**_

_**Is where I want to be**_

He tried to reason with her, tried to explain to her that he didn't deserve her. But she wouldn't listen, and he started to wonder if it could be after all…

When she pressed her lips onto his, he knew this was the truth…..no matter what.

Finally he realised he deserved her.


End file.
